Matthew 18:15-17 NKJV

15 “Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. 16 But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that ‘by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.’ 17 And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector.”

 This passage is often quoted as the New Testament “pattern” for dealing with sin, an escalating step-by-step methodology ending, should the sinful brother refuse to repent, with the brother’s well deserved disfellowship before the entire church body. Afterwards, all who had once welcomed him with open arms refuse even polite conversation, reserving smiles and handshakes and hugs for those who don’t crucify Jesus anew.

But what does this passage really say, when taken in context? Jesus’ teaching in Matthew 18 was prompted by a single question: “Who then is greatest in the kingdom of heaven?”

Jesus calls a child over and says that “whoever humbles himself as this little child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.”

Jesus then warns of those who cause “one of the little ones” who believe in Him to sin. A greater judgment is reserved for them.

Then comes the parable of the lost sheep, an illustration of Father’s heart, who does not want even “one of these little ones” to perish.

Then comes the verses in question. “Moreover,” verse 15 begins, indicating that Jesus is expanding upon the theme of rescuing lost sheep. (Moreover: adv : in addition to what has been said : besides [Merriam-Webster])

“Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother.” So Jesus elaborates on the theme of recovering what is lost. What we have, then, is not a generic prescription for dealing with just any sin in a brother’s life. What we have is a way—a loving way—of trying to recover a broken relationship.

 (Warning: Technical Content – yes, a number of Greek manuscripts, codices, lectionaries, etc. omit the words “against you” in verse 15. The context argues for “against you” being in the original. Peter, prompted by Jesus’ statement in verse 15, asks “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?”)

So what sin would merit the steps Jesus describes here? If we’re honest with ourselves, the answer is clear. No one has to tell us if a brother’s actions have harmed our relationship. It doesn’t take any special amount of discernment to know when a relationship is in serious trouble. And yes, sin is destructive, but we can all agree that adultery and speeding should probably be handled differently. As for sins not specifically against us, there is no set “methodology” for dealing with these. John speaks of praying when the sin is not significant, Paul says to warn a divisive person. Jesus openly rebuked Peter in front of the other apostles without first going to him alone.

Our heart then—Jesus’ heart—is to redeem. We’re going to fight for the relationship, even though the other party is guilty, even though he should be making the first move. And if our brother won’t hear us, we bring two or three others. And if that doesn’t work, we involve the entire church

Why? Because my brother’s sin warrants it? No, because the relationship warrants it. I’m not minimizing sin. Sin cost Jesus his life. But Jesus is not focusing on sin here, he’s focusing on recovering what is lost. If my brother refuses to listen even to the church, then I am to treat him like a heathen or a tax collector.

 So now I shun him, and the church shuns him as well? Again, no! I’m not judging my brother’s salvation. I’m not kicking him to the curb in hopes he’ll see the error of his ways. This passage is so full of grace. Jesus gives me the freedom to close the door on that relationship. I don’t have to feel guilty when I can’t welcome my brother with open arms anymore. I’m not being mean, I’m just recognizing that the relationship couldn’t be repaired this side of heaven.

And the verse says nothing about how other brothers and sisters should respond. It doesn’t say he was kicked out of the church. It only says that I’m free to close the books on that relationship. In fact, I would want other brothers and sisters to continue having input in that brother’s life in the hopes that he would soften his heart. In the meantime, I can move on with my life and nurture the other relationships God has given me.