I read the Mike Peters’ "Marriage perspectives" paper and I want to list some problems I see with this document. Most of the scriptures quoted here have nothing to do with marriage directly and most of the scriptures are taken out of their context. For example, take careful notice of the following portion of scripture:

Psalm 91:9-16 9Because thou hast made the LORD, which is my refuge, even the most High, thy habitation; 10There shall no evil befall thee, neither shall any plague come nigh thy dwelling. 11For he shall give his angels charge over thee, to keep thee in all thy ways. 12They shall bear thee up in their hands, lest thou dash thy foot against a stone. 13Thou shalt tread upon the lion and adder: the young lion and the dragon shalt thou trample under feet. 14Because he hath set his love upon me, therefore will I deliver him: I will set him on high, because he hath known my name. 15He shall call upon me, and I will answer him: I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him, and honour him. 16With long life will I satisfy him, and shew him my salvation.

Now read this section ignoring the crossed out phrase: 11For he shall give his angels charge over thee, to keep thee in all thy ways. 12They shall bear thee up in their hands, lest thou dash thy foot against a stone.

You get two different pictures in your mind when you read these two segments of scripture. The reason I crossed out the phrase “to keep thee in all thy ways” is because somebody misquoted verses 11 and 12 to a man I know, leaving out the key to the whole psalm. His name is Satan and if you read Matthew 4:6 and Luke 4:10:12 you will see what I am talking about. Mike Peters' paper uses the same technique to paint a picture that is not accurate and destructive to the sound teaching of the apostles and the Lord Jesus Christ. Satan  misquoted this scripture on purpose to attempt to trick the Lord and make him do something outside of the will of God. If it were us, it would have worked. He really wouldn’t have to try that hard, but the Lord is flawless and unshakable. Praise Jesus!!


Misquote #1
Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. [Eph 5:21]

This verse has nothing to do with marriage, but the following one does. Why wasn’t the later part of Ephesians quoted in the context of the letter?

22Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26to make her holy, cleansing[b] her by the washing with water through the word, 27and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— 30for we are members of his body. 31"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh."[c] 32This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Misquote #2

"He died for all, so we who live will no longer live for ourselves but for Him who died and rose again for us." [2 Cor 5:15]
&
"Stop viewing one another after the flesh." [2 Cor 5:16]

Again, why wasn’t this quoted the context? Paul is asking, no begging, the people to reconcile themselves to God through faith in Christ. Since Christ became sin so that we could be right with God, we should leave our old sin at the cross and move into the new creation made real to us by the Holy Spirit. Also, this verse has nothing to do with marriage directly. View the truth below in the context of Paul’s letter.

2 Cor 5 14For Christ's love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. 15And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again. 16So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer. 17Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! 18All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: 19that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. 20We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ's behalf: Be reconciled to God. 21God made him who had no sin to be sin[a] for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.

Misquote #3
"See to it, brothers, that no bitter root sprouts up between you. But encourage, deal in one another's lives alongside daily." [Heb 3:13-15]

Again, this has nothing to do with marriage. Also, the bitter root part is a misquote, that is actually in chapter 12. This verse was lifted out of the bible to fit into this paper from the author’s point of view (there is way that seems right to a man, but it ends in death). The context this scripture are filled with themes about the sins of unbelief, false teachings, false worship of idols, worship of angelic beings, holy things, and shadows of things to come or that have come. View it plainly below:

Hebrews Chapter 2 1We must pay more careful attention, therefore, to what we have heard, so that we do not drift away. 2For if the message spoken by angels was binding, and every violation and disobedience received its just punishment, 3how shall we escape if we ignore such a great salvation? This salvation, which was first announced by the Lord, was confirmed to us by those who heard him. 4God also testified to it by signs, wonders and various miracles, and gifts of the Holy Spirit distributed according to his will.

Misquote #4

"Because we are neither married nor given in marriage in heaven (Matt 22:30) "

Now this is about marriage, but not about our time here on earth but in heaven the next age for those who are saved by their faith in Christ. In heaven we will receive new bodies and new eternal lives. The context of this verse is to combat error in the interpretation of the scriptures concerning who will be married to whom if a person is married to several people in the earth age. The folks who asked our Lord this question did not even believe in the resurrection, so their motives weren’t even right when they asked. It was probably another trick to see how Jesus would answer and he did, “You error not knowing the scriptures or the Power of God. For in the resurrection, they will not marry or be given in marriage, but are as Angels of God in Heaven.” (Mat 22:29-30) The picture the Lord painted here is much different then the misquote above. I trust you can distinguish this subtlety. The Lord makes two distinctions, before the resurrection and after the resurrection. “Before the resurrection” means our present age. This is the age where men are married and women are given in marriage. The Lord never condemned this behavior nor did he loose the bounds of marital responsibility and the expectation to keep it holy. After our bodies are raised from the dead, we will no longer need to marry but it will be something new!

Lie #1
"then the marriage institution (as it is called) is NOT above the word of God."

The logic use here is interesting, but wrong. What is above the word of God? That seems to be an exaggeration. You can win a chess game with these tactics, but painting a picture using God's words out of context is very wrong. The marriage institution was created by God and upheld by God punishing those who defile it or treat it with contempt.

Lie #2

"In other words, if a spouse sees something in his/her spouses' life that is unlike Jesus, Jesus didn't say, "Take it to him and him alone and them bring two or three witnesses unless it happens to be your wife, or your husband or your children or your parents."

I will sum it up by quoting from a website that is about spiritual abuse. You are free to visit The Ex-Church of Christ Website. Here is the quote:

["Double-binds are the stock-in-trade of spiritual abusers. And they don't know they're doing it. And they would deny it if you pointed it out. An example of a double-bind is the mother who sends her college son a blue shirt and a green shirt. He comes home for Thanksgiving wearing the blue shirt. "The blue shirt?" Mom exclaims, "You didn't like the green shirt?"]

A double-bind is a no-win situation. There are a lot of these "double-binds" in this paper to prove something that really can’t stand on its own. The scripture about marriage and husband and wife relationships are very clearly presented to us in the Old and New Testaments. I thought if a person was going share thoughts on marriage the following verses would be pivotal and foundational from the New Testament.

4"Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,'[a] 5and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'[b]? 6So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."

Mat 5 31"It has been said, 'Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.'[a] 32But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.

Mat 19 3Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?" 3Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?" 4"Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,'[a] 5and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'[b]? 6So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." 7"Why then," they asked, "did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?" 8Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. 9I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery." 10The disciples said to him, "If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry." 11Jesus replied, "Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. 12For some are eunuchs because they were born that way; others were made that way by men; and others have renounced marriage[c]because of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it." 4"Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,'[a] 5and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'[b]? 6So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." 7"Why then," they asked, "did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?" 8Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. 9I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery." 10The disciples said to him, "If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry." 11Jesus replied, "Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. 12For some are eunuchs because they were born that way; others were made that way by men; and others have renounced marriage[c]because of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it."

1 Cor 7 10To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. 11But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife. 12To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her.

1 Cor 7 26Because of the present crisis, I think that it is good for you to remain as you are. 27Are you married? Do not seek a divorce. Are you unmarried? Do not look for a wife. 28But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.

Eph 5 22Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26to make her holy, cleansing[b] her by the washing with water through the word, 27and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies.

Colossians 3 18Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 19Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. 20Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Titus 2 3Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. 4Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, 5to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.

1 Peter 3 1Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. 3Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. 4Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. 5For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, 6like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.7Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.

Lie #3

"The reason that you are married is because God has given you a special opportunity to work the Life of Jesus into a captive audience."

The reason for marriage from Genesis is because it wasn’t good for Adam to be by himself. That is quoting God the creator of all things. In addition to that, it is pretty presumptuous to think that either person in the marriage can “work” the life of Jesus into the spouse. I’d say that the phrase “work the Life of Jesus into…” is just pious non-sense. Everybody who is married (or been married) knows that words don’t mean as much as action. A spouse can say “I love you” probably a million times, but there needs to be something that backs up the words or proof. My point is that “working” the life of Jesus into your spouse is done by loving and caring for them as God intended i.e. 1 Peter 3.

Lie #4

"You are together in that relationship so that you can help each other to become more like Jesus in the quickest possible way…."

There is no promise in the scriptures that being married should mean quick spiritual growth. Being married takes a lot patience from both. Why would the apostles teach us to be gentle and honor the wives if this wasn’t common in marriages?

"Some" Truth, finally..

"Marriage is not a place to hide from the Word of God. It is the best possible place to apply the word of God."

I agree with this last statement that marriage is not a place to hide from the Word of God. The home is where the scriptures should be walked out. A lot of folks want to preach and teach others, but sometimes the home is a disaster. If a wife is not in submission to her husband, can she really go out and teach younger women to obey God? If a husband doesn't love is own and will not protect his wife and children, is he really a tender leader in the church? I think Paul is telling the Ephesians that the home should be in order just like the Church. Since the Church has the same principles as a family unit. As I have stated before, the word of God is clear about marriage in the scriptures. Let’s not go beyond what is written.

Lie #5

"THEY cannot control YOUR service of God. Not possible. 'Judge for yourselves whether it is better to obey God or man.' You are not a slave in such cases to unBelievers' whims."

This is totally untrue; a wicked government can kill and put Christians in jail. Peter let the Sanhedrin flog him and arrest him several times. The scripture quoting from Acts in context tells us that they wanted Peter to stop preaching the gospel, which is what they [the apostles] could not put away. But they did go to prison, which if it wasn't for the angel, Peter would have had only a prison ministry. Now in a marriage, even if the husband doesn't believe he is still the head of the household ordained by God. Pilot had control over Jesus because the authority was given to him by the Father in heaven. People can affect our service to God if it is allowed by God. Why did the Church earnestly pray for Peter when he was in prison? Because they did not want him to die and he was very important to the gospel movement. So the persecutors did some affect the ministry of Peter, but it was God’s will for him to live through it and escape jail and death at that point. Unfortunately for James, he was to be killed by King Herod that day. Herod had the authority to kill James and put Peter in prison, but it wasn’t right. He could do it only because God allowed him to for a season. Later Herod would have to pay for his evil. My point is that sometimes things happen that we cannot control. There is no need to muster up a holy war against an unbelieving spouse, when prayer is usually the only weapon coupled with a righteous life.

Lie #6/ Misquote# 5

"But, on the other hand, when a spouse or parent or child will NOT cease "crucifying Jesus afresh" right before your eyes, the ultimate decision is no longer yours, if you are "not your own, you are bought for a price."

There is error in this statement because the scripture has be misquoted again. Here is the context :

1 Cor 6: 18Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. 19Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20you were bought at a price.Therefore honor God with your body

Paul is talking about sexual immorality and our personal body. This is a personal sin that we commit against God when we use our body parts for evil. This is a call to be holy as He is holy. The scripture about crucifying Christ afresh is misquoted since the context is about someone who is saved but deviates from the faith, for whatever reason, and is endanger of being cursed.

Heb 5: 11We have much to say about this, but it is hard to explain because you are slow to learn. 12In fact, though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you the elementary truths of God's word all over again. You need milk, not solid food! 13Anyone who lives on milk, being still an infant, is not acquainted with the teaching about righteousness. 14But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil.

Heb 6: 1Therefore let us leave the elementary teachings about Christ and go on to maturity, not laying again the foundation of repentance from acts that lead to death,[a] and of faith in God, 2instruction about baptisms, the laying on of hands, the resurrection of the dead, and eternal judgment. 3And God permitting, we will do so. 4It is impossible for those who have once been enlightened, who have tasted the heavenly gift, who have shared in the Holy Spirit, 5who have tasted the goodness of the word of God and the powers of the coming age, 6if they fall away, to be brought back to repentance, because[b]to their loss they are crucifying the Son of God all over again and subjecting him to public disgrace. 7Land that drinks in the rain often falling on it and that produces a crop useful to those for whom it is farmed receives the blessing of God. 8But land that produces thorns and thistles is worthless and is in danger of being cursed. In the end it will be burned. 9Even though we speak like this, dear friends, we are confident of better things in your case—things that accompany salvation. 10God is not unjust; he will not forget your work and the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them. 11We want each of you to show this same diligence to the very end, in order to make your hope sure. 12We do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised.

As you can see these scriptures are not related to each other nor do they have anything to do with marriage; coupling these texts shows ignorance or false doctrine.


Lie #7

"But you'll never do that by compromising and giving in to their emotional and physical blackmail.”

There are emotional and spiritual needs that must be acknowledged in the home. No matter what the spiritual condition of the spouse is, the Christian spouse is not off the hook for their marital responsibilities. God made it so in the beginning. It is not wise to break one commandment to try to uphold another.

Lie #8

"If "to him and him alone" is ineffective (because they "won't hear you" or because there is no change) then JESUS said there was a next step to take!"

Starting the excommunication process (Mat 18) for a marital dispute is not helpful. There is a huge assumption in this situation that one spouse is perfectly innocent and the other is a villian. I would never tell a woman to go "tell" on her husband after every little disagreement they had. That is not in the scriptures, actually I wouldn't tell her to go tell on her husband even if they had a big disagreement. She needs to be submissive to him and he needs to respect and honor her; and they need to work it out together. If they need help from another soul on earth then they need to approach it together as God put them together and no man can divide that. 99.9% of the time there are two sides to the coin. You’d have to excommunicate both to be fair and most times that is not necessary.

Lie #9

"And marriage is NOT to be pursued for self-interests. It MUST not be pursued on the basis of what YOU want for YOURSELF, rather than what would best serve God. "MY house" - "MY family" - "MY time" - "MY day off" - "MY yard" - "MY job" - "MY dinner table" ...These are very weak and destructive expressions of one that is not connected to the Head and the Body of Christ, and will not See the Kingdom in the Lives around them, beyond the middle-class, cultural counterfeits. God has designed you for BETTER! Don't settle for that!"

Not everything that tastes good is evil, not every smell that is sweet is wicked, not every amazing thing on this earth is wrong. Most of them are sent by God and we owe him thanks. Fun is not evil and neither is cotton candy. Having something doesn’t mean you must give it away or that God wants to take it. Sacrifice to the Lord is a very serious thing. If someone doesn’t want to share their stuff with you, that is between them and God. It is better for a person to be stengy with their stuff than to sacrifice with an impure heart or because they feel pressured to do so. Be careful with automatically assuming that married couples should live like monks and not have any possessions or uniqueness between them in a exaggerated attempt to duplicate what the first church did. Every saint has an opportunity to lay down his life for someone else, but he alone can make that choice. Nothing can be forced on him when it comes to sacrifice.
3Then Peter said, "Ananias, why has Satan filled your heart? You lied to the Holy Spirit, and you kept some of the money for yourself. 4The property was yours to sell or not sell, as you wished. And after selling it, the money was yours to give away. How could you do a thing like this? You weren't lying to us but to God."

A husband and wife who love each other deeply and want to spend time together are not wrong. It is beautiful and holy. Just because we will receive new bodies doesn't mean we should treat the present one poorly. Just because we will not be married, in the flesh, in the future doesn't mean that the husband and wife relationship is not important today. This is the picture of Christ and the Church. Until the day comes when the bride is ready, there will be marriage and husbands loving their wives as themselves in the name of Jesus Christ.

There is also a major assumption that either spouse is in a place to minister to each other as far as bringing one into the fullest of Christ. There is no guarantee of this in marriage, because each person will be at a different place spiritually. There are many gifts of the body of Christ; these are used to help people married or single become mature Christians. I believe that if you follow the teaching in this paper your home will be a wreck (strife) and your house will not have a sweet testimony of Christ’s love.

The quotes are taken from Marriage Perspectives and currently can be found online at yourkingdomcome.com.